Creative Withdrawl

I think one of my biggest fears is that I won't be able to write. The sheer idea of losing my sight or the ability to compose words in the written form is daunting enough of a thought but to lose my creativity is unimaginable. Sure, we all get writer's block. And sometimes, I find myself struggling for weeks on end without a single bubble of creativity to speak of in my mind. But what if that was permanent? I think I would cease to exist, quite simply.

My writings are my babies and therefore, difficult to hand off into the world. I'm always worried about them being stolen or hated. It's irrational but it's there. I write for myself in the hopes that someday they will find their niche. But what do I write? I write about life. My novels, novellas, short stories and scripts are about life and love and loss and the dynamics of people. I have always been fascinated by psychology. I've never been one to analyze someone but the definitions of character is always appealing to study. I find the crazier, the more interesting. But my stories are focused on the development of the psychology.

For instance, my Alex's Best Girl script was a troubled one at first. The idea was planted into my head and originally a novel. But, thanks to Script Frenzy, it formed into an actual fully-functioning script. The idea was less of the psychology (because scripts obviously are about the actions rather than emotions). In the past couple of years, my stories have revolved various love triangles, secrets and tragedies. Lately, my favorite two of course involve a twist of timelines and underlining secrets. But those are the stories that take a lot out of a writer emotionally. Writing the past interwoven with the future, the sheer heartbreak of what has transpired between the two, it weighs you down. But the "bar story" concept is still too raw to describe as an unbiased author. I have tried to write it in three different novels. And last Nano I did try to recreate the Bar Story...while it did meet the count ahead of schedule, it still is not complete. This Script Frenzy, I tried to write the Bar Story...I'm so far behind with less than 30 pages and the deadline is Monday. So, I did not win this year which is horrible to think.

I live and breathe for my writings. When I find creativity, it is the best Sugar High anyone could ever ask for and I feel it bubble in my veins. What if I lose that love?