3 Hours Later... Less Than 20 Pages Added

It's crazy how sometimes you get so caught up in writing, you feel like you're flying through it. You look up at the clock every once in a while and realize you're making progress! You were several scenes away an hour ago when you looked up. You start to pat yourself on the back when you see all of the paragraphs you've written. The witty dialogue didn't take much work to crank out as it your brain just comes up with it on the fly. (Which is why you really a schizophrenic having conversations with yourself in your writing) It's exciting. And every time you stretch, you look at your dog/boyfriend/girlfriend/teddy bear and say "just a few more minutes and we're go to bed, I promise" But the minutes tick by as your continually click through your keyboard, the paint wearing off the keys, a worn pattern of natural oils has slickened the space bar and a spot on the the mouse where your finger hovers.

But as you think you're reaching closer and closer to your destination pages. You're cranking out scenes like a machine. You have all of the right elements. You're capturing all of your thoughts and key elements...

You realize you barely typed over 15 pages in 3 hours.
You made progress...writing just isn't about speed and quantity. It is about exploring the world and find a way to take your time to get when you needed to go. If it were easy and short, simple and with no frills, it would be a Tweet.

Happy Writing, Writers.
Keep it up. Love your writing. Embrace your style. Let your crazy expand. Live your characters. This is passion.

Nanowrimo starts in a little over a month!

Time to get my butt in gear! I have 6 weeks to finish my "New In Town" April novel. And you may think, April? Yeah. I hit my 100 pages pretty good but there was a lull. I got caught up moving, dealing with an ailing pet, new apartment life and so on. Then, reading a couple of books in the Mortal Instruments series and my muse took a different turn. Now that Sons of Anarchy is back, my muse is back-ish. No, it's not a fanfiction in any fashion. I just have two characters that my go-to. But I'm planning my 2013 Nano! I have a handful of ideas and a couple of characters. But I'm trying to give my muses fair and equal play time. We shall see...in November...

Mainstreaming Fanfiction

With my recent fallen obsession with Cassandra Clare's Mortal Instruments book series and the announcement of Charlie Hunnam as Christian Grey in the film adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey...Let's talk Fanfiction, folks!

Damnit Sawyer, You Were Supposed To Be Mitchell

I was recently inspired by a new muse.
But it is always true that backgrounds are more influential than we think. For instance, some people write with music while others write in silence. And even those who do write with music, the playlists are often catered to their thoughts. If you write with a Cascada song playing, you want your characters to feel lively and dance in a club. But if you throw in some Taylor Swift, you've got a whole new storyline about hearbreak. I use to write a lot to the background noises of movies. I'm a huge movie nut (if you haven't gathered from my other blogs) and have watched movies endlessly. I mean, as lame as it is, I went and bought a dvd version of The Blues Brothers 2000 because I came up with the excuse that my vhs had bad traction in one scene. I am the queen of rewatching movies. And TV shows on dvd strike my fancy as well. However, now that I'm even more engrossed in Netflix, I have a large variety of new films and TV shows to engulf my time.
Namely, currently I am focusing on Lost and Being Human (U.K version) specifically.
I started watching Lost thanks to my friends Joe and Anthony who are pretty much obsessed. Joe had tried so hard this summer to convince me and finally, a couple weeks ago, when I guilted me into it, I finally started watching. I gave up completing my Nano 2012 for a brief hiatus so I could get into it. But my Nano'12 is a bit complicated right now as I'm not sure of the events to lead my characters further. It's a work in progress and not yet abandoned.
I was not much of a fan of the UK version of Being Human when it first aired on BBCAmerica. I was more interested in the US version. But thanks to a clever little muse that popped into my head on Christmas, I am now in the second season. Therefore, dividing my time between Being Human and Lost.

But it is interesting how the background surroundings and noises play a big part of your writing style. I've always been decent about pulling muses from the past to my current stories. I have quite a handful that I use on a regular basis. But when you find a new one that is a leading role, you tend to try and submerge yourself in their character. You want to focus on their appearance, their mannerisms, their personality and style. "Focus on Johnny" was a huge bit of my writing history at one point. And I'm starting to pull pieces of that into my current story.
But the problem between bouncing between Lost and Being Human is that my head is chaos. Half of the time, my inner voices have traces of Irish and UK accents along with my own. And one character I have been writing (that is fueling my progress) is based on a character from Being Human. Only, somehow, he's coming off more as Sawyer from Lost. And if you've seen the show, you'll know that he's a pretty ballsy and outspoken, straightforward, con artist redneck you love to hate to love. It is completely outside of my character's realm of possibilities.

But, our influences tend to move our storylines and characters.
Just like writing about a five-course meal your characters are eating often means you're writing while hungry. Paragraphs about sleep and the rituals of slumber can mean you're tired and writing under the influence of sleep-desires. Sex scenes mean you're horny. Fight scenes mean you've got some anger in you. Writing is all about what we want to portray to the world.
Or it is what we want to avoid. I went through a breakup and didn't write about it. I immediately wrote a short story that I cast aside because I grew bored of the characters. But initially, I was writing something of what I wanted. I was writing outside of my own personality or beliefs. I was writing about two characters so far removed from my life and desires. The novel I wrote after my breakup did not involve any romantics. Instead, it included two hit men and an interwoven backstory to the main character.

I'm now back into a spot where I can write again. I'm writing like my old self. And I love it. I just have to focus my energy not to glue my eyes to the TV or let my imagination be swayed.
This is why I create playlists (which often take too many hours creating) before I write a novel so the music is geared to my taste and the storyline. Or I pop in a well-known movie. Or I chose an artist that fits my mood on a radio site like Pandora. As a writer, you learn the tricks of the trade.

2013 Plans

In 2013, I plan on writing a blog devoted entirely to writing. So far, I'm thinking, 365 days of posting from writing prompts or writing ideas from my own stories that I am currently working on. My sister has been doing homework in a site called 750 Words (or something like that) and it pushes her to write basically 3 pages a day for her film class. I may have to dabble in it or something of the sort. But for now, I'll look up writing prompts. 

I just found one that I should use next December: Why did Santa kidnap you?

Definitely could add my Black Wednesday Date idea too.

The wheels are a turning :)

Day 11 Nano

This morning I wrote 1,070. That's only 10487 words so far but it's getting there.

I spent all day yesterday in the garage with my stepmother cleaning up the garage and organizing seven boxes for storage and a large set of piles for donation/selling purposes not to mention the number of bags of garbage and recycling! But I spent all day working and did not work on my writing like I should. And when I was at my computer, I started cleaning the room around my computer only to find a much missed computer program that I added to my newer laptop. Add stress of trying to decide if my computer was hacked, downloading and running spyware software. I was exhausted and went to bed around midnight.

So, when I woke up at 8, I was relieved to get over a thousand words accomplished let alone pick up my bedroom and watch a little Firefly.

Unfortunately, I used my new word count as a reason to go out and reward myself. I purchased a few items from a very busy grocery store and came home to attempt to make cake pops.
So, as they freeze up a little more, I sit with my roommate and hope to add at least another thousand words to my count, fight my sleepiness & catch up on American Horror Story: Asylum.

Good luck, writers.

What If You Hate Your MC?

Day 9 of Nanowrimo
Writing goal: write as much this weekend has humanly possible.
Words so far today: 1,046 words and counting...
End of day: 9,417 words so far...

It's insane how difficult it is to write when you hate your main character. Mine is a cynical bitch that pretty much hates people and has no faith in relationships--friendship or romantic. I don't even know how she got written either! I know I've been going through a re-break of a break up with my ex and my current flame/new best friend is gone for six months. But I didn't think I would be so disgusted by relationships. But we write what we feel and maybe I pulled from my subconscious and heightened it a little to make it work.

It always is hard to write when you feel trapped. What did I do? I asked for help from my fellow writers. I posted in the forums on the Nanowrimo website. I asked for support. And I got it! Do I push through it? Do I give up? Most people said I should kill off the character if she made me so unhappy. Others said that I should keep going. And I did.
And now I'm over a thousand words today.
Not as far as I need to be but it's still going.

Finding Your Own Writing Motivation

No one ever said it was easy to be a writer. It's not and I hope these blogs don't come across as someone who consistently complains about writing. An ex boyfriend of mine did not understand my dilemmas of being a writer and maybe I was not accurate enough to describe my woes. It's mostly an exhilarating adventure this writing craft that is mine. My whole heart goes into it. Every absolute fiber of my being just screams for writing and the senses, blood in my veins, everything is pure excitement when I get to write and I find something to lock onto. There's really nothing to describe it. And I think that is something difficult to comprehend to an outside source.

The trouble is not always having that emotion to lock onto. It's that life gets in the way time and time again. You've got bills to pay, jobs to work, homes to clean, food to cook, friends to see, family to visit, guys to date, dogs to play with, movies to watch and everything in the middle that will cause your writing time to suffer. But it's all about trying to find a balance. Make a list, set a schedule, divide up the work and give yourself an allotted time to write. There's no way to tell you how to do it other than come up with a solution that works for you.

For me, I have difficulties clearing my mind and schedule. I don't have the time or the willpower to motivation sometimes. My solution? Get rid of the trivial things. Got movies sitting in my queue to watch or rent? Do it while I write. Find a writing partner in your friends or boyfriend. Set aside time for you to write while they do something they enjoy or need to do.

Today, I had the urge to get out of the house. I've been spending a lot of time lately with a friend and not really getting time to myself. So, after a date, I opted to go home, curl up on the couch, and watch TV. Today, I went and did some last-minute weekend shopping (ie. buying a winter pea coat) before stopping off at Starbucks for coffee and coming home. I chatted with my roommate for a while before he instructed me to write. And by instructed, I mean, he dragged me by the wrist over to the sofa, handed me a blanket, turned on my computer and said "write" in a demanding tone. Last time he did this, I knocked out a few pages in an hour. It's great to have someone to motivate you. And writing is a learning game, always moving, always trying to find what works for you.

So, write on, my fellow writers. Catch you in the next chapter.

Post-Work Writing Sessions

It is amazing to think that this is the third day in a row that I am honestly so excited to go home after work! Why? I cannot wait to write! Honestly, I'm super excited! Monday, I came straight home to sit myself on the sofa and start writing until my roommate came home. Yesterday, I was obsessed with the idea of coming home to write. Instead, I ended up doing a little cleaning around the house. However, this happens to be a common issue when I get pretty deep in writing. When I'm in deep, I lose track of the world and end up making a little island at my desk. When I get creatively blocked, I clean up, organize and can breathe again once it is back in order. I'm not as far as I typically am in my novel process but I feel that I'm just dusting off the cobwebs that occurred in the past from lack of writing. Today, my parents were at my house cleaning for my inevitable move-out (trust me, they want to get a head start). So, despite listening to the sugar in my veins, I help out cleaning, called my sister to give her a heads up about the parents and talked with my roommate. Now, I'm all settled comfortably on the sofa again, a dvd is queued up and I have a playlist of new music. I'm ready. I'm eager.

I live for these Sugarhigh moments. I am genuinely excited to write. This is my life. This is my love. And I don't want it to change.

So, do not fret if your writing starts to dwindle or you go through some serious droughts. My best friend went through a couple years with barely any writing spurts but she does have those boughs of writing energy. Life will get in your way. There is no way around it. Try your best to push yourself. Write something, anything. Write a blog. Write a journal. Write a diary. Write about how you cannot write. Write just a few short pages. Whatever it is, trust your heart. If you love it, you will not lose it. Just don't put pressure on it. Relax, smile and it will happen.

Sugarhigh in my veins again

I'm in a creative mood...which is actually surprising. A week ago, I was heartbroken thanks to my recent breakup. But, I realized fairly quickly that even after a breakup, I was ready to start writing. No, not working on my memoir about it just yet. But new story ideas that completely have nothing to do with my personal life. Maybe it is a way to break away from that storyline that is my real life? Possibly. But with everything seemingly back in place or in their new comfortable places, it seems like my writing is back on track. Sure, I'm working on some new things and I don't really foresee it as a book series let alone a novel, but I'm writing again. I'm devoted to it and I'm insanely in love with it. So what if they're just drabbles, just writings that I conjured up because I didn't want to pick up another story again? I'm inspired and running with it at full force.

Monday was actually not too bad. I went to work feeling that familiar sugarhigh buzz in my veins. I could not wait to sit down and write. I had no concept of where the story was going but I wanted to play in that world. Thank the event I went to Friday night where I relived my favorite movie on the big screen for the first time after meeting one of the film's actors whom I adore. Thank my amazing roommate for letting me spend time with him just vegging out on the couch while we watched British TV, Disney movies and ate homemade dinners of meatloaf and potatoes. Thanks to my ex-boyfriend who gave me some normalcy and friendship. Thanks to my best friend for sending me an IOU card for Chunky Monkey ice cream and love. Thanks for me for giving myself brownie points for being independent. Thanks to a long lost band who gave me inspiration, being rediscovered. Whatever it may be, I was able to write. I was able to explore. And I'm pretty excited for that fact.

I was concerned that somewhere in the 5 months prior to this, I would never write again. The experiment is still in progress on that one. But at least I know that it was not permanent.

Keep writing, writers. November is fast approaching and we eagerly await.

"It takes a lot of imagination to be a grown up"

To be a grown up, with a grown up job and responsibilities is a bit daunting. And if those priorities do not involve writing, then it becomes even more difficult. I use to want to be an author as a career. But I do believe that I would go stir crazy in my house all day all alone with a cat or dog or children running around my feet--whatever place I was in my life at the time. For me, writing was like breathing. I would write between (and sometimes during) classes. I would write with my friends. I would come home and watch movies and write. Let's be honest, my life was not that social or exciting. But it was my life and I enjoyed it.

Now that I have a desk job, you would think that writing would be a no-brainer. However, I'm stuck. Creatively, I'm bursting at the seams some days. But others, I'm stretched so thin with work that all I feel is exhaustion. I'm pretty sure that all of the writers in the world who have real grown up jobs, careers and lives feel just as over-whelmed as I do sometimes. But that's the price.

It's just finding a balance that we have to endure. Schedules and plans are my solution. That is, until I get a social life and then it all goes out the window. I spend more of my time trying to fit friends and relationships into the schedule rather than actually paying attention to what I want to do. I went to the library yesterday and they were eagerly thrilled that I was back after my hiatus. I was just renting movies but I'm getting back to my usual self. I'm reading again. I'm watching movies. And this weekend, I wrote! I've started scheduling my weekends with friends, deciding what nights I stay out and trying to devote myself better to my writing and my personal health. It's my life and I need to start figuring out what I want.

Just One Hour Of Writing Devotion

Today my roommate made me sit down and actually sit for an hour at my computer--no phone, no internet, no TV. One hour to write.

I thought I would sit and stare at that blinking line. Or I would find something to entertain my thoughts. Like, picking up the book on the edge of my bed and read the next chapter. Or sliding to the floor and playing with the sleeping puppies. Or decide that my pick-up job of my room should have become a reorganization and cleaning. But instead, I knocked out 2 1/2 pages of a new story or at least a new concept of a story. Not too shabby of the first three pages of a new story if I do say so myself. So, it's a start. Let's just pray that I keep it up! Blame it on the boyfriend or my serious grown up job or that I'm bummed out completely that my social circle ringleader just moved six hours away. Either way, you have to keep writing.

Always keep writing.

Writing SUCKS when you are completely blocked!

Like, we're talking like I feel so creatively constipated! It's not fair.It's a huge fear of mine coming somewhat true. It's when you spend so much time in the real world--focusing on your job and relationships with little time to really write or doing anything worth your emotions. I went to the mall today and finally got around to purchasing a few things that have been on my list for ages. I didn't have anywhere to be or anyone to see.

I think a big factor of my lack of writing is my emotions are so bipolar. I'm trying so hard to fight down the tears of the impending heartbreak that I don't want to write about it. I don't want to write about love. I don't have a muse. And I have 6 stories on my dry erase board just waiting to be picked up and finished. Not to mention, there are hours upon hours of programming to watch on my dvr and piles of books on my bookshelf. I don't have time anymore. My heart's not in it.

And this breaks my heart more than the future.
And as much as I try to push out something...I end up never getting comfortable in my seat or distracted by my thoughts. Or, I just end up falling asleep or going shopping.
W. T. F.!

Loss of Innocence

The term “Loss of Innocence” often too frequently seems to coincide with a loss of virginity. It is a vital literary term that I’m sure we as writers heavily involve. There’s always that one moment that changes our characters and turns their story. But, in all actuality, that situation of sex for the first time is fairly possible as one’s loss of innocence moment. There are moments in life that change your life dramatically. And typically, there is one pivotal moment that separates childhood from adulthood. One moment so significant, it changes your views, it changes your though process and completely flips your world upside down.

Get Me Off This Fucking Shelf!

I think a huge thing about being a writer is how empowering it is to control this universe that belongs solely to you. Now, I'm not saying that everything happens the way we initially intended. And I'm not saying we as writers are Gods. What I'm saying is that we have this ability to shift life by our fictional creations and mold their lives.

Nothing New

I haven't created anything new in what seems like a long time. Life gets in the way of writing and let me just tell you, that sucks royally. You can't blame anyone or anything but yourself and if you put too much pressure on it, you will become creativity blocked. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt and sold it at a rummage sale.

But I stand firm with the belief that you cannot force writing. Sitting at a computer screen's blank word document or a sheet of notebook paper with pen in hand or fingers hovering over the keys to gain inspiration. But living a full life of constant motion is not going to help it either. There has to be a balance.

Real Life Emotional Turmoil Isn't Always Creative Fuel

As a writer, our emotional turmoil gets penned down into our stories whether we let it on that it actually does or not. Sure, I never lost my best friend to a drunken high school party. I've never had four brothers nor have I slept with his best friend. I've never owned a bar or been the girl who gave her baby to her brother in secret. Those are my characters, close to my heart, and definitely not me. But what they represent, what they are experiencing, what their lives and souls are all about are me. The trouble is deciding between what to add and what to expand. That's the trouble with my 'Bar Story' as I've told you. It's difficult to decide what emotions to use and what to keep guarded. It's hard to pick the paths and plans for that story. Maybe in a few years I'll finally find it.

But as a writer, we also use these worlds we create as a place to escape. I don't want to be in my own life at times and I escape to a new town, new world, new life where I have a better control on what happens.
Today has appeared to be a hangover Saturday which would be true post-party if I was in fact hungover. However, it does not shield the fact that I have been in my head all day today whether I want to be or not. My mind cannot wrap around the concept of a previous discussion. I should write it down. I should turn it into a story, spin it and make sense of it. But the problem is that I don't want this for my characters. My stories often end in resolution and a sigh of relief. My characters would appear triumphant in the end but in this case, it is one of self-discovery and self-revelation. My character would have come to this conclusion and walked the path alone at the end.

Real life has consequences. And true emotions that muck up the situation and disrupt the calm. My heart breaks. I can say it all so much better as a writer than vocally. I'm not a storyteller by design. Writing is just another way to play house.

Creative Withdrawl

I think one of my biggest fears is that I won't be able to write. The sheer idea of losing my sight or the ability to compose words in the written form is daunting enough of a thought but to lose my creativity is unimaginable. Sure, we all get writer's block. And sometimes, I find myself struggling for weeks on end without a single bubble of creativity to speak of in my mind. But what if that was permanent? I think I would cease to exist, quite simply.

My writings are my babies and therefore, difficult to hand off into the world. I'm always worried about them being stolen or hated. It's irrational but it's there. I write for myself in the hopes that someday they will find their niche. But what do I write? I write about life. My novels, novellas, short stories and scripts are about life and love and loss and the dynamics of people. I have always been fascinated by psychology. I've never been one to analyze someone but the definitions of character is always appealing to study. I find the crazier, the more interesting. But my stories are focused on the development of the psychology.

For instance, my Alex's Best Girl script was a troubled one at first. The idea was planted into my head and originally a novel. But, thanks to Script Frenzy, it formed into an actual fully-functioning script. The idea was less of the psychology (because scripts obviously are about the actions rather than emotions). In the past couple of years, my stories have revolved various love triangles, secrets and tragedies. Lately, my favorite two of course involve a twist of timelines and underlining secrets. But those are the stories that take a lot out of a writer emotionally. Writing the past interwoven with the future, the sheer heartbreak of what has transpired between the two, it weighs you down. But the "bar story" concept is still too raw to describe as an unbiased author. I have tried to write it in three different novels. And last Nano I did try to recreate the Bar Story...while it did meet the count ahead of schedule, it still is not complete. This Script Frenzy, I tried to write the Bar Story...I'm so far behind with less than 30 pages and the deadline is Monday. So, I did not win this year which is horrible to think.

I live and breathe for my writings. When I find creativity, it is the best Sugar High anyone could ever ask for and I feel it bubble in my veins. What if I lose that love?

Writer + Coffee Shop = Love

Hello fellow writers!
It is a gorgeous Superbowl Sunday here in my little hometown. And today, I have found myself dragging one of my roommates out of his bed and going to the coffee shop with me. There is no coffee shop local to our house, which is very disappointing. The local coffee shop went under--although I have seen people inside working on it so we can only hope that it becomes something worthy and not a stupid fast food restaurant or another liquor store. Then again, when Starbucks came to our little south of the burbs, the competition beat it out and our coffee supply dried up. All we have to rely upon is one of the three McD's and a Duncan Doughnuts. There is not much for the writer community except an abandoned firehouse that has been converted into a frequent village hall for writers once a month. I have yet to find that haven.
So, a good 15 minute drive is just what the doctor ordered!
I love it here.
I use to work in a coffee shop, so walking up to the counter and ordering was like a second language. I barely remember what I ordered but it just danced off my tongue easily. And as we sit here, I am glad we found the last table at 11:20 this morning because as we sit here at 12:45, the place is bustling with activity. There are children, runners, couples and the number of netbooks, laptops and iPads are starting to dwindle to chattering people and rattling toys.
It will take some time to get comfortable to my groove here. I find the random music refreshing since it is unknown what we will hear. But with several favorites in the mix. I would have preferred a window seat or something hidden in the corner but this seat in the middle is just fine. I am able to sit comfortably and stare out the window at the beautiful sunny day outside. With car dealerships across the rather busy road, the sun glistens off the paint to only heighten the beauty of the sparkle and shine. It is busy and active. I love looking out the windows to see the uncommonly beautiful day. It is Superbowl Sunday in February and I feel more like eating a nice turkey club sandwich than a big hearty bowl of turkey chilli.

In another life, I want to own a coffee shop or at least live here. When I retire, I am going to live in a coffee shop. I love the sounds and smells. The world in my soul revolves a lot around the coffee shop.
Writer + Coffee Shop = Love
I want to be a regular.

Today is not a big burst of creativity today.
But it is just my mood and surrounding emotions. Nothing to do with the place.
I fear I'm going to change moods too much to focus on this story.
I love the coffee shop. I love being a writer.

A Writer's Nightmare

OMG Writers!
I had quite the nightmare that I'm sure most of you would cower in fear from!
So, it was a simple dream. It went fairly well and like most of my dreams lately, it seemed to be fairly coherent as to what was going on. Basically, my netbook, my flash drive of my current projects and a bag of my carry-on belongings were stolen! Not to mention, one of my roommates was furiously not allowing me into the house. So, I used my other roommate to distract him while I slipped inside and scrounged around for my belongings. I found Harry Potter: Deathly Hollows part 2 on DVD and quickly pocketed it. They had not pawned it from my bag yet. I could not find my netbook or flash drive anywhere. And as an author, that is one of the scariest feelings. My entire world is contained in that netbook. My life is living in that flash drive. You can't recreate your work because once you've lost it, it is hard to find the same words. Sure, it might make it better by restarting it, but it also, you lose that initial excitement of getting your first ideas out. I was heartbroken.
And then I realized that the two guys who stole my bag were now living in the other two rooms at our place. My roommate was a traitor! He had sided with them!
My sister could not distract the roommate long enough and he found me. He apologized for being so mean and not letting me into the house. I could feel myself starting to wake up. And at that moment, I saw the bag sitting off on the bookcase! My netbook, flash drive and Scream 4 were all there!
I woke up with relief...but a slight annoyance that I let my nightmare end so easily.
I pray I never lose my files again. I've only lost one story...and it is weak for it.
But I woke up and realized I back my shit up consistently. I have, like, a flash drive at work, a flash drive in my purse, my netbook is up to date and two external hard drives that have backups. Not to mention, the other flash drives and computers I own. I really hope I get the flash drive bracelet for Christmas.

Happy Writing, Writers.
And backup your files.